Colfax Recap - I did it!

After making the decision to run a half marathon as one of my New Years Intentions, after tweaking my thinking as far as what to eat and how to train; and after 12 plus weeks of training; the day had finally arrived. I ate clean all week, I only ran once (Thursday - 3.75 miles) and the night before I maybe got 3 hours of sleep. I felt ready.

We had a 7 am start time; the full  marathon started at 6 - so we got down to City Park around 6. I was worried that we would not be able to find a decent place to park but we got lucky and found a spot about a block away. As soon as we got to the park, my nervous bladder and the butterflies in my stomach started up. The hour went by so fast - before I knew it, our corral was at the start line and heading out...

My goal was to stay at or around a 10 min/mile - I wanted to finish at or before 2:15. That is quite a difference from my original goal of 2:45, but it felt feasible. My friend Suzanne started with me, and she kept us on pace. I'm pretty good about not starting too fast (I usually can't anyway - my body doesn't warm up until somewhere between 3-5 miles!) The first mile went through the zoo, I guess some people didn't like it but I thought it was pretty cool. I saw a lot of animals and didn't smell any poo so I enjoyed it. We ran kind of slow through there but I was okay with it! It was actually my favorite part of the run. (I loved the pink flamingos!!)

Me and Suzanne coming out of the zoo!

After the zoo we headed east on a flat, tree lined street. We kept a good pace, we didn't really talk; and I waited for my body to settle into a rhythm. Another goal I had was to hit 6 miles in under an hour, and we did!! Around mile 5 I suddenly felt itchy to go a little faster. I had finally hit my 'sweet spot'. We made it to the halfway point in 1:02:40, at that point Suzanne told me to go ahead if I wanted to, and have a great race; so I cranked it up a bit!

The course was pretty level with just a few gradual inclines; so I never felt too exerted. Another part I enjoyed was when we ran through the open bay doors of the Aurora fire station, that was pretty cool. The spectators along the way cheering for us was awesome!! Around mile 11, I started feeling like I was ready to be done. I managed to maintain my pace but those last two miles were really hard. As we were about to come around the corner back into the park, my iPod started playing my favorite song (Bloc Party - Day Four) and that was just the shot I needed. I cranked it up and finished strong!! I felt like barfing and passing out when I was done - but I finished!!

Suzanne came in right behind me, it was awesome!!! We both had a good race!! My finish time was 2:05:14 - way better than I ever expected! I was super happy with that!!! After the run we caught up with some friends and enjoyed the feeling of accomplishment!

Suzanne, Kellie, Vince and me!!

All and all, it was an amazing experience! I am very proud of myself - this is something that I never could have imagined doing. 

It's amazing how much skating and running have shaped how I think. Before I got serious about either sport, I was inclined to give up on things if they became too difficult. But the struggle to get through that middle part is what really makes a challenge worthwhile. It teaches you what you are made of. It's easy to say "I'm going to do this" - but it's the commitment, and the invested hours, and the sore muscles, and the 'what the fuck am I doing??' moments, and the skipped treats in favor of vegetables, and the 'I can't, I need to train today', and then there is the moment of truth when you put all of those things into play and achieve victory. The moment of going from "I'm going to do it" to "I'm doing it" to "I did it!!!". The confidence you gain is priceless. My entire life has changed because of this. I feel like I can do just about anything I set my mind to, because I have learned how to work through that difficult middle part - the part between "I'm going to" to "I did". I've also learned that this middle part is actually the best part.

Next up for me is a couple of days of rest (I can hardly walk today!!!) - then I need to drop head first into skate training. My first race is in Wisconsin on June 15th (The Apostle Islands Inline Marathon - it's a good one!!) I will keep running, my plan is to continue to do the run/weights 2x per week with a long run on Saturday: running 3-4 miles on weight days and 6-8 on my long run days. I'll skate 3x per week as well: 2 short skates (12-15 miles) and 1 long skate (20+ miles). I should be ready for Apostle by June 15th. I don't have any races in July so I may do some smaller running events. August 3rd is my duathlon in St Paul (skate a half marathon, then run a 5k), September is the Northshore Inline Marathon (that's the big one) - then I have my sights set on running the Rock n Roll half in October. There is no reason why I cannot do both.

The P90X mantra is 'Decide. Commit. Succeed.' - I agree 100%.

Last Thoughts Before Colfax

Well, today was my last long run before my first half marathon. I ran 12 miles with my friend Suzanne. We took it easy but the last 2 miles were still pretty tough. I feel confident that I will accomplish my goals next week - the race course is fairly flat while all of my training runs (and all of the races I've run so far) have been relatively hilly. I don't regret any hills I've run - they are what will make me surpass my expectations of myself.

And I usually target those expectations pretty low too - because I hate being disappointed. When I signed up for the half, I was thinking that I would do it in 2:45; and I made my primary goal to 'finish without barfing or peeing on myself'. Um, yeah. I've changed that... In the 12 weeks that I've been training, I've learned a few things about myself. And one of those things is that I sadly underestimate what I am capable of. I did it when I ran the 10K, and I did it when I ran the 15K. So I set some goals for Colfax and if I don't reach them but DO manage to finish without barfing or peeing on myself - then it's still a total win.

For the longest time, I've been thinking of myself as an 11:30 min/mile girl. Usually when I train, I am around that time. But when I ran the 15K, I actually stayed around 10 min/mile pace - except when going up the stupid WTF hill of death. (You can click on the graphs below to make them bigger...)

Lap Times

Altitude 

And when I finished that run, I actually felt pretty good - like I still had some gas left in the tank. So this got me to thinking; could I FEASIBLY attempt to maintain a 10 min/mile average for the half? That would have me finishing way, way before my original goal time of 2:45.... I'm even thinking worse case scenario now would be 2:25. I'd be okay with that too!

Yeah, yeah I know; "for your first half you should just focus on finishing". But I am too damn goal oriented. Driven. If I don't have something to aim for, I get lazy. Just finishing is a noble goal for sure, it's plenty good enough - but I don't want 'good enough'. I want to push myself to see what I am truly capable of. Because I've never been one of those people who do. That's the plan, Suzanne is on board - we'll see what happens.

So now, I taper... Well, I do want to skate either tomorrow or Monday though; the weather is supposed to be too good to resist.... THEN I taper... I'll run a 5K on Tuesday, 2 miles at race pace on Wednesday; and a nice, easy 2 miles on Thursday - then nothing on Friday and Saturday. I'll have the runners expo, focusing on eating super clean all week and the traditional pre-race pasta feast on Saturday night. I'll probably barely sleep at all that night, and Sunday I'll be a nervous ball of excitement, fear, and jitters. It's going to be glorious. But no matter what happens - I will be super proud of myself; because a year ago I couldn't even run down the block.

A Visit With My Therapist

I have an uneasy truce with my bipolar disorder. For the most part; we cohabitate peacefully and without too much drama. So I was a bit put out when I got blindsided by a depressive wave yesterday - it came on from completely out of the blue. I was sitting at my desk, making plans for the evening; and I felt it wash over me like a cold chill. All aspirations fled my mind and suddenly I had absolutely no desire or energy to do anything. The gym felt like it was a million miles away; and the 5K pub run I was so looking forward to suddenly felt like a looming, daunting task. So I went home. And I sulked - because that's what I do. I become cranky, weepy, negativity-driven hermit girl. And I HATE IT. I went to bed at 9 and hoped I would sleep it off.

I didn't. I woke up with that all too familiar feeling of not wanting to interact with people, of just wanting to sleep all day... So I called in sick and began sulking. Because that's what I do... It was cold and overcast - and that just added to my mood... At one point I noticed the sun was shining. So before the negative thoughts could even begin to whisper through my mind; I laced up my shoes, put on my iPod - and I went running.

At first, my body and my soul were very unhappy with me. See, exercise isn't part of the routine, sulking is. So my shins ached and my soul complained and I ignored it all. I told myself, just do three miles. Just three miles. At least then I can say I did something. So I ran. I ran my favorite route because I know it and I love it. But when I reached the top of the hill where I usually go left; I noticed that across the street the trail continued on - and I felt enticed. So I crossed the street and I continued on. It was a beautiful dirt trail running through the back side of a blissfully quiet neighborhood - and I felt myself growing calm and peaceful.

Three miles came and went; and still I ran. The fragmented shards inside of me began falling back into place; the angry, negative edges softened and disappeared. I felt my heart beating, I heard my breathing, I felt my footfalls - rhythmic and soothing. I paid attention to the wind and the sky; I watched the clouds roll in and the Robins frolicking in the grasses around me. And I continued to run.

I saw these guys as I started up the hill towards the last part of my run. They made me smile. I was running slow today but I didn't care - it wasn't about that. This run was more for my mind and not just for my body. I continued to run, paying attention to the music on my iPod (my summertime playlist - all of the songs that connect me to the carefree summer days of my youth; the songs that always make me feel young and nostalgic.) And I ran.

I ran until I was soaked in sweat, until the aches gave way; I ran until I felt like I was no longer running away from something but rather running towards something. A hot shower, a good meal; hell, who knows. I just felt like I was no longer sinking out of control into the darkness, but that I was back on the right path.

The home stretch - two more miles left to go. I ended up running 8 miles. I feel 100% better... Now I will shower, and eat a good, clean meal. I no longer feel agitated or weepy. I still feel a little low, but it's not painful. Running is good therapy.