I apologize in advance if I sound like a bit whiny - and you can stop reading if you choose. But I really need to vent my frustration, and this is the only place I really have in which to do so. Right now I feel like I'm caught up in a vicious cycle in regards to my stupid digestive malfunctions and my need for calories to fuel my workouts.
The medical term for what I suffer from is Gastroparesis - basically my stomach [for whatever reason] is lazy and takes its own sweet time dumping my food into my small intestine. I've had 2 endoscopies so far, both times this was the diagnosis. I also have a small hiatal hernia and excess bile in my gut... When I eat, the food just sits there in my stomach fermenting; making me feel overly full for hours. I feel bloated, nauseous, short of breath, and have acid reflux from hell. I have absolutely no appetite and when I do eat, I get anything from half a meal to about 3 fork fulls in me before I feel stuffed. Then it's hours of feeling overly full and uncomfortable; sometimes I feel panicked and have to take Xanax to calm myself down... It really fucking sucks.
The weird thing is that it's not always like this, I have periods of time where I feel fine, I can eat normally and I forget about it. I'm not sure what triggers a flair up but when it does, it makes me feel miserable, desperate, anxious and depressed. I'm right in the middle of a pretty bad bout of it right now, and it's beginning to take a toll on me. I'm extremely depressed and I'm also starting to lose weight rapidly - and for those of you who say 'I wish I had that problem' consider yourselves SMACKED. This is NOT healthy weight loss - and besides, losing weight is not my motivation nor my reason for exercising as hard as I do. I NEED to eat. I want to eat. I just can't.
I've been doing some reading because up until now my doctors have been pretty vague about what I need to do to manage this condition. (Of course, there is no cure - no surgery and no real medications to help.) I have medications for the reflux, but the reflux is a symptom. (Apparently from what I've read; so is gastroparesis.) One of the causes of it is hypothyroidism - which I also have. The last time I had my blood checked, all of my thyroid numbers were a bit high. Now I'm wondering if that means my doctor should maybe adjust my medication. I guess I assumed he would have said something, but it looks like I actually have to ask him. Maybe between my primary care physician, my gastroenterology doctor and a nutritionist I'll get some kind of a solution..? I feel SO desperate for relief!! I really hope it doesn't come down to relying on the gastroparesis diet because basically that is canned fruits and vegetables, white bread, cream of wheat, peanut butter, eggs... NO raw fruits or vegetables, no whole grains... You get the idea... Awful.
I feel betrayed by my body. In all other aspects I'm really healthy. My heart, my muscles, my lungs - I feel strong and able. I cannot believe that I'm being set back by a lazy stomach... I'm going to try drinking some meal replacement shakes of some kind and see if that helps because I need to get back to exercising. That would help with the depression. I have a call in to my gastro doc; hoping she can talk to me soon. My appointment with the nutritionist isn't until August. I have one week until my next half marathon and at this particular point in time I seriously doubt I'll be able to do it... And THAT really fucking sucks.
No comments:
Post a Comment